Facing Breast Cancer Together: A Guide for Couples in the Caribbean
A breast cancer diagnosis affects not only the person receiving it but profoundly impacts partners, family, and friends who share in the journey. Unfortunately, breast cancer is a significant issue for many women in the Caribbean. Afro-Caribbean women often experience late diagnosis, poorer prognosis, and a more aggressive type of cancer. In Barbados, breast cancer is the second leading cause of cancer-related deaths after prostate cancer. For the women living with breast cancer and their partners, a cancer diagnosis is life-changing, often disrupting both physical routines and emotional well-being.
Understanding Emotional Reactions
Breast cancer prompts a range of challenging emotions for both partners. Sarah, who had only recently been diagnosed, and her partner Joel spoke about the insecurity, helplessness, and grief they felt. In heterosexual couples, these feelings often appear in gendered ways. For example, after Sarah’s diagnosis, Joel spent most of his spare time on the couch playing video games. Other male partners report excessive work focus, drinking, or even illicit drug use as ways of coping with the overwhelming emotions a cancer diagnosis can bring.
In contrast, female partners are often socialised to express emotions openly and may look to their partners for comfort and understanding. While Joel's video games temporarily allowed him to escape the emotional turmoil, Sarah longed for comfort through conversation and closeness. This difference in coping styles can lead to misunderstandings, with partners misinterpreting one another’s actions.
Recognising and Embracing Vulnerability
A crucial turning point for couples like Joel and Sarah is when they recognise that they’re both in distress and respond differently. Realising this, they could see their pain mirrored in each other, opening up space for vulnerability. As challenging as it can feel, sharing emotions openly is often a way to bring couples closer and build resilience. Embracing vulnerability doesn’t mean having all the answers but simply being there for each other and acknowledging each other's emotional experiences.
The Importance of Shared Planning
Planning for treatment together can create a sense of unity and control. I encourage couples to speak with their doctor about the treatment regimen to prepare for their journey. A shared calendar for appointments, medication schedules, and time for rest days can be empowering, especially in the face of the often impersonal nature of medical care.
Women can benefit from openly sharing their needs with their partners, whether that means assistance with transportation, help around the house, or support on difficult days. For male partners, being proactive and checking in with their partner about what kind of help they need can make a big difference. Family and friends can also play a vital role in this support system, helping to share the responsibilities and relieve some burdens.
Navigating Physical Intimacy
Cancer treatment may lead to physical changes that affect intimacy, including surgery, chemotherapy, and radiation, all of which can alter body image, sexual desire, and overall comfort. While this can be challenging, maintaining emotional and physical closeness is essential.
Here, communication becomes vital. Couples should explore conversations about intimacy at a pace that feels comfortable. These might start with simple discussions about comfort zones or small acts of affection, like holding hands, gentle touch, or simply spending time close. I encourage women to share what helps them feel attractive and appreciated, which can support emotional closeness even during difficult times.
Seeking Outside Support
External support, like therapy or couples' support groups, can be helpful for partners dealing with breast cancer. Whether through therapy, online forums, or community support, having a space to express feelings openly and gain insights from others on a similar journey can ease feelings of isolation and provide extra resources for coping.
Finding Strength Together
The journey of breast cancer for couples is filled with emotional and physical challenges. Recognising each other’s coping styles and making space for empathy are essential. Open communication, proactive involvement in planning, and nurturing intimacy through understanding and support can strengthen couples as they face breast cancer. Though the road may be difficult, couples who walk it together often find resilience and a deeper connection than expected.
By staying united, involving loved ones, and building support networks, couples can navigate the difficult path of breast cancer treatment with shared strength and hope. If you or a loved one is facing breast cancer, consider reaching out to a therapist or support group. Connection, support, and professional guidance can make all the difference on this journey.
Jomo Phillips, Couple & Family Therapist
