The Challenge of Long-Distance Relationships
“How do I maintain my romantic relationship when my partner and I are physically apart?” This is a frequent question from couples I work with, especially those managing long-distance relationships due to work or study commitments. Physical separation can strain a relationship, but it also allows partners to be accountable, mindful, and purposeful about growing and maintaining their connection.

Marie and Kishmar’s Story
One couple I’ve been consulting with recently is Marie and Kishmar (names changed for privacy). Marie is currently overseas and just finished pursuing her postgraduate studies, and they’ve been apart for the last two years. Although they initially planned to reunite for her graduation, life’s circumstances prevented them from meeting, with Marie getting a job in the country she was studying in. Despite the challenges, Marie and Kishmar have consciously worked to strengthen their relationship while apart.

The Importance of Communication and Accountability
Long-distance relationships have existed for as long as people have travelled for new opportunities. Couples negotiating the reality of being in different places must be committed to open communication. Today, couples have a variety of ways to stay connected—calls, messages, and social media make it easier to keep the conversation going. However, the key isn’t just about having the tools; it’s about taking accountability for keeping those communication channels open.

Marie and Kishmar have sometimes argued about whose turn to call or message, especially when life gets busy. Over time, they’ve realized that communication accountability is crucial, so neither partner feels solely responsible for keeping the relationship going. This awareness has helped them avoid resentment and made them more comfortable “talking about talking,” including pre-planning for meaningful conversations.

Being Mindful of Each Other’s Needs
Living apart also requires couples to be mindful of each other’s needs. This process helped Marie and Kishmar grow their sensitivity toward each other. They began listening more carefully, asking thoughtful questions, and empathizing, which created a safe space for sharing vulnerable feelings. As they took more risks to be emotionally open, they both noticed that the relationship felt “even more real.”

For example, Marie admitted her fear that her intellectual growth might create distance between them, while Kishmar shared his worry that she might meet someone new while living abroad. These confessions were emotional, but they strengthened their connection as they comforted and reassured each other.

Being Purposeful About Shared Experiences
Another area where they’ve been intentional is having fun together. They were drawn to each other’s teasing and quick wit when they first met. They loved cooking, playing video games, hanging out with friends, and watching anime and action movies. Being apart required them to be more purposeful in recreating those shared experiences.

They started scheduling virtual date nights, watching movies using shared streaming platforms, playing video games on Discord, and even dancing together on Zoom. This intentional effort to maintain shared experiences has made them more appreciative of their time together, even if it’s virtual.

Keeping the Spark Alive
Their purposefulness also extends to maintaining their sensual connection. Being physically apart has been challenging, especially when it comes to the desire for physical intimacy. However, they’ve found ways to keep the spark alive by planning how they express desire—sending flirty messages, sharing fantasies, and openly talking about what they enjoy. These moments have brought excitement and anticipation for the day they will reunite in person.

Turning Separation into Growth
While physical distance can be difficult for couples, whether due to work or educational commitments, it also offers growth opportunities, couples like Marie and Kishmar have shown that being accountable, mindful of each other’s needs, and purposeful about nurturing the relationship can help them not only survive the separation but also grow stronger together.

Need Help Staying Connected?
Are you navigating a long-distance relationship and looking for ways to stay connected? Don’t hesitate to reach out for support—strengthening your connection is always within reach.

Jomo Phillips, Couple & Family Therapist